Are there ghosts in your relationship?
BOO! Are there ghosts in your relationship?
I hate haunted houses and horror movies. They make me feel scared and unsettled. I do not like people jumping out at me. I do not like the sight of violence, even pretend. Yet, I work with folks who deal with memories that are scary and disturbing.
People come into therapy because they have been injured, disappointed, hurt or neglected in their relationships. Of course, these situations need to be talked about, dissected, and worked through to the best of everybody’s ability. It takes a bit of time for each person to air their pain about what has happened in the past.
Yet, in order for healing to take place, the past must be left behind. Too many times, those old “ghosts” keep showing up terrorizing the relationship and making each person “hide”. They don’t say what needs to be said. They don’t show up completely and authentically for the relationship.
Those old ghosts need to be left in the past in order to move forward. Whatever happened or did not happen cannot be changed in any way. They are too scary. They create fear. They keep us looking over our shoulder, unable to see the way forward. The goal is to learn whatever needs to be learned and move into the future with more wisdom and an open, forgiving heart.
It’s a difficult decision to “let go”. It takes time. Yet, holding onto the past hurts becomes a wound that never heals.