Small Gestures, Create Big Changes
Small gestures can create big changes when done with consistency and kindness.
It generally takes about a month to change any behavior. You are learning a new skill that requires time, patience, and practice. In order to have a conscious, connected, safe, and sacred relationship you will need to invest the time to achieve it.
Set aside at least 20 minutes daily to be in the Sacred Space with your partner. Spend 20 minutes to 60 minutes sending and receiving. It is not advisable to spend more than 60 minutes of dialogue because being flooded with too much information impedes connection.
Say three nice things to each other every day.
We often forget to mention the great things about each other. “You look beautiful/handsome in that blue shirt.” “You are such a generous/kind/considerate person.” “You take such good care of our cars.” “I love that fragrance on you.” “This coffee is great.” “Thank you.” “Please”
Make each other feel important every day.
If you wake up wondering how to make your partner’s day better, you will get a happier partner. Too often we are more focused on what our partner will do for us. Think about them first and watch what happens. A happier partner will be more loving with you. Win/Win.
Give up the need to be “right”.
If you need to be “right” about most things in your relationship, that need will eventually lead your partner to believe that their opinion doesn’t matter and that they don’t matter. The need to be right discounts the other person. Challenge yourself the next time you find yourself trying to convince your partner that you are right and they are wrong. Instead, get very curious about why they might see things differently. Use the language of attachment by responding to your differences in a new way.
“It’s interesting that you see it that way. Can you please tell me more about that?”
Connection or Disconnection
Before you say or do anything, ask yourself the following question:
“Is what I’m about to say more likely to promote connection or disconnection?”
We have a natural innate desire to be connected. When we are disconnected we feel alone, vulnerable, sad, depressed, and out of sorts. When we are connected we feel vital, energized, and optimistic. Our attitude and behavior determine the level of connection we have with our partners. We get to decide. Connection or disconnection.
Make a promise to each other that if something unpleasant happens you will not let the disconnect extend beyond an hour. To end the disconnection one of you or each of you will go to the other and offer a touch, a smile, a gesture to end the stalemate. It just takes one of you to offer. It requires the other person to exhale and accept the bid for healing.
Solving the conflict is not the goal. The goal is to stay in a healthy connection and to be curious.
In long-term happy marriages, there are about seven issues that never get resolved. Differences do not determine the success of the marriage or the level of love.
Hello, God.
One of the best reminders of what you should and should not say to your partner is to ask yourself this question:
“Would I say this to God?”
If the answer is “no”, then don’t say it to your partner. We all have a piece of God in us and insulting, accusing, berating, judging, criticizing our partner is a dangerous practice
Four times Four = One Miracle
The most significant changes occur at transitional moments in life—and in the course of each day.
Change your life and your relationships by focusing
on how you say, “Hello” and “Good-bye.”
Spend four focused minutes:
1. When you wake up in the morning.
2. When you leave each other for the day.
3. When you come back together.
4. When you go to sleep.
Want to learn more? Send me an email to set up an appointment.